ennui

Ennui is when we were sitting at this café in Neukölln and we decided we are bored. Bored, nothing to be done, ennui. Ennui is the state of mind in which you are neither happy nor suffering. It’s worse than suffering for if you suffer at least you FEEL something. Ennui, in Eliot’s phrasing, is the disassociation of sensibilities. Disassociation to real life, you don’t feel anything. Neither happy nor sad, you feel like you walk into a virtual-reality room with your cool high-tech glasses. It’s not a dream it’s a limbo. Are you on the boat on the Lethe? I don’t know much about the Christian underworld but in the tradition Chinese underworld you keep on walking, walking till you reach this bridge. Beside the bridge the old lady awaits and she would give you this soup of oblivion. Finish the soup, and you are good to go. Reincarnation, all the hatred, passion, haunting memories traumas genuine laughter profound sighs all gone, forgotten. Ennui is the state of quasi-oblivion. You are having the soup but not yet done. Fragments of your life run in front of your eyes and you somehow feel unattached. It could be your life, or any others’ life. Memory is the most valuable thing in your existence. It constructs your soul. You are not Faust. You cannot trade your soul for something greater you choose oblivion only because it’s easier. It’s always easier starting new. It’s always easier getting rid of all the baggage. The old lady, did I say her name is Monpuo? Monpuo waits till you finish your soup and you are good to go. Walk pass the bridge, never look back. You’ve walked passed the ennui zone and you are now a fresh newborn. Like a baby, yeah, like a baby. Babies are always curious they are never infected by ennui. They probably need some twenty years time to know what ennui is. But remember, remember there are some souls who sneaked and tricked Monpuo. They decided to cling onto the old memory and did not finish the soup. So if you see that sad baby lying in a baby cart looking onto the sky don’t be surprised. He just didn’t finish his soup and is already suffering from ennui.