Man: Hello.
Woman: (taking off her earphone, looks up) Oh, hi! I haven’t seen you like forever. (nervous laughter)
Man: Whoever you think I am, I am not that guy. I’m just a stranger.
Woman: I thought you were some other friend of mine. So, what do you want, stranger?
Man: I don’t want anything.
Woman: I’m relieved. But then why are you talking to me?
Man: I have nothing better else to do.
Woman: (slightly offended) Well, thank YOU. and I guess that makes the two of us due to the very fact that I’m actually talking to you.
Man: I’m separated with my wife.
Woman: Well, I’m sorry.
Man: No you are not sorry. You don’t even know me.
Woman: But I suppose it’s a sad thing. After all, you must have been in love and that’s why you got married.
Man: No, we were not in love. I was in love, but all she wanted was the German citizenship.
Woman: And can you blame her on that! What is she?
Man: She’s North Korean. Pretty fucked-up country.
Woman: How did you manage to meet a North Korean in the first place?
Man: I found her on the street crying alone. She said her country abandoned her.
Woman: Sad story.
Man: Anyway we got married so that she wouldn’t get deported to this troubled country.
Woman: That’s very nice of you. Not everyone can do that.
Man: You never met her. The sad look of her eyes… I can go to hell for her.
Woman: I can believe that.
Man: But then she fell in love with this other guy.
Woman: I’m sorry to hear that.
Man: Don’t be. She’s better off this way.
Woman: How so?
Man: Because I have cancer.
Woman: Now I’m REALLY sorry to hear that.
Man: Don’t be.
Woman: Sorry?
Man: Cuz I’m fed up with my life anyways.
Woman: You know, there must be something still enjoyable in your life. Something.
Man: No there’s nothing.
Woman: I mean, for example, this chocolate croissant you are holding. It looks quite nice, isn’t it? Why don’t you take a bite?
Man: (takes a bite) It’s gone old.
Woman: I’m really sorry about that. Is there something I can do for you?
Man: Can you kill my ex-wife for me?
Woman: I’m sorry, that I can’t.
Man: Why do you keep saying sorry?
Woman: Why do you keep sharing sad stories?
Man: Are you accusing me of being oversharing?
Woman: Well, if you put it that way. I mean we don’t even know each other.
Man: But you look like my ex-wife.
Woman: Excuse me?
Man: She has long dark hair just like you do.
Woman: There are a lot of women with long dark hair here.
Man: But you are the one who looks like her. Tell me, why are you on this train?
Woman: I need to go to somewhere.
Man: Somewhere where?
Woman: I don’t feel obliged to tell you.
Man: You are cruel, just like my ex-wife.
Woman: I’m sorry about that.
Man: You just said you are sorry again.
Woman: And you are talking to me again.
Man: I’m sorry.
Woman: Look, mister. It’s a long ride. And if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to keep on reading.
Man: And I’ll shut up and eat my old chocolate croissant.
Woman: Whatever you want.
Man: (sits down, starts eating croissant)
Conductor: I’m sorry sir. Eating is prohibited in the U Bahn.
Man: (starts screaming nonstop)
Woman: Oh lord. (puts on her earphone again)
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